these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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