I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
