When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
