I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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