What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
