oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
