Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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