Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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