I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
