Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
