I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
