Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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