dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
