sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
