I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
