glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
