There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Can I color on your dick again?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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