I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
