Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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