my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
