Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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