You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
