things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
