I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
