I love black thongs
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
