Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I need a beard to bite.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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