no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
They are going to name an STD after you.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
