I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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