Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
