I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
