Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
