So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize