i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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