I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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