so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
