well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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