My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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