batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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