I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
