saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
