Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
