dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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