i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
