I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
