I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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