What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
