Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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