so that wasnt chicken after all
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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