I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
