morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
