Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just had sex bonerless
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i think i just lost a toe
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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