she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
