he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
