i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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