Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
im about as happy as oj after his trial
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
